University of Pennsylvania

See also Wikipedia's article about "University of Pennsylvania".

The University of Pennsylvania is an Ivy League university. It is often cited as the cause of burgeoning neuroses among Columbians, who writhe over Penn's higher rank in the US News and World Report rankings. It's usually known as UPenn, though they prefer Penn, since the former makes them sound too much like a state school, and the confusion with Penn State is bad enough for them already.

Despite all our efforts, UPenn has proven surprisingly resilient to stereotype. Perhaps this is because their awfulness is so comprehensive that it's hard to pin down.

Characteristics

• Higher median SAT scores than Columbia
• Higher average high school GPA than Columbia
• Usually cited ahead of Columbia in most national rankings
• Fanatically spirited fans of jocks
• People from Long Island
• Located in a boring, rundown, unsafe neighborhood in Philly, of all places
• Many famous/interesting alumni, including a US President, a number of Supreme Court Justices, and scores of senators and representatives in Congress
• Superfluity of corporate scumbag alumni (mainly from Wharton)
• The "Water Buffalo Incident"

Self-Aggrandizing Penn Myths

"Penn is the 4th oldest college in America"

This claim is based on an establishment date of 1740. Although this date is no longer considered as the University's official founding date it still appears in places such as Penn sweatshirts. 1740 is a date you'll commonly see on UPenn merchandise as a date of Establishment. In fact the University even celebrated its 250th birthday in 1990. The justification for this date is that a charity school trust was founded in this year, though the school itself was never opened. In 1749 (another date Penn uses to trace its founding to) Ben Franklin would advocate the purchase of the failed institution's empty building to house the new college, which would become contingent on the new institution including a charity school such as the failed original plan intended.

Professor Robert McCaughey has described the absurd 1740 date as such: "One night, Ben Franklin rolled over in bed and said to his wife: 'Honey, Philadelphia needs a college, don't you think?'"

By this reasoning, Columbia was founded in 1696, when Trinity Church was chartered. Or 1701, when Col. Lewis Morris wrote to his friends that "New York is the centre of English America and a fit place for a Colledge (sic)".

"Penn is the 5th oldest college in America"

1749 is a compromise date for Penn boosters. While conceding the title of "4th oldest" to Princeton (1748), it keeps them ahead of Columbia (1754). Saying that Penn was "founded" 1749 must be taken very narrowly. The Academy of Philadelphia, basically a secondary school, was chartered in 1749, but did not actually open it's doors until 1751 (yet another date claimed by Penn, in a desperate attempt to stay older than Columbia).

An actual institution of higher learning was not opened until 1755, when the College of Philadelphia was chartered and began operating as a degree granting undergraduate institution. Don't try to tell this to a Quaker though- a virtual editing war broke out on Wikipedia when Columbia tried to assert its place as the real 5th oldest school.

"Penn is America's First University"

One has to take a very curious definition of "First University" to reach this conclusion. Penn makes this claim based on two pieces of evidence. First, UPenn proudly points out that they were the first institution to officially call themselves a "University." Someone should inform them that saying something doesn't make it so. The second piece of evidence is that UPenn was the first institution to be composed of multiple schools, citing the founding of the Penn Medical Faculty in 1765. Again, saying it doesn't make it so. True, Penn had a faculty delivering medical lectures, but to what end? In 1770 the first MD in America was granted- by Columbia, not Penn.

A more traditional definition of University would be a PhD granting research institution. By this definition the honor of first American University goes to Yale, which was followed by Cornell, Harvard, and Columbia in the late 19th century.

"UPenn is NOT Penn State "

Actually, it was. In 1779 when the state of Pennsylvania seized the College fearing it to be a Tory stronghold, the College was renamed "University of the State of Pennsylvania." Realizing how unprestigious this was, the legislature renamed the institution "University of Pennsylania."