Literature Humanities

Sing, Muse. Literature Humanities is popularly known as Lit Hum. "Hum" rhymes with "bum", not "Hume".

The course is taken by all Columbia College first years. The first semester covers mainly Greek literature, with some Bible-stuff at the end. The second semester starts with Virgil and ends with Virginia Woolf. For your convenience, we have prepared a "lite" guide to the course. That said, you probably won't get most of it until you've actually done the reading.

Lit Hum I lite

• Achilles is a whiny momma's Boy
• Odysseus has crazy sex appeal
• Herodotus makes stuff up
• Thucydidies likes to think he's a real historian. Makes up quotes.
• Oedipus loved his Mother.
• Clytemnestra is a stone cold bitch
• Medea is a psycho femi-nazi
• The greeks had sex with little boys. And Socrates makes stuff up.
• The old testament God is schizophrenic
• It sucks to be Job

Lit Hum II lite

• The Aeneid is an epic poem, most of it plagiarism, by Virgil. Remember Aeneas the Trojan from back in September? Probably not. He travels to Italy and fights a battle, thus founding Rome. It's two for the price of one; you get an Iliad and an Odyssey. Sadly, however, Aeneas is the pussiest hero in all of literature.
• Babies are evil!
• Which circle of hell will your i-banker and lawyer parents go to?
• Ten people had an orgy in the countryside.
• Find out all about my medieval eating and shitting schedule.
• Time for some Shakespeare. In King Lear a dozen characters get seriously fucked up when the King stupidly decides to retire. Lesson: work till you drop. In Hamlet you discover that the protagonist is deep down just a poor emo kid.
• Don Quixote's fucked up too.
• A woman's place is in marriage (and in the kitchen). Don't elope.
• Murderer!
• Time passes. There's a window. More time passes. There's a painting. More time passes. Welcome to the boring world of modernist garbage.