Difference between revisions of "Cornell University"

Revision as of 21:52, 12 July 2009

Cornell students visit Ithaca's beautiful gorges to engage in their school's most popular pastime: drowning^[1]

Cornell University is the least selective of the seven Ivy League, as it is also the largest. In it there are 7 undergraduate colleges - 4 private and 3 state related; they are priced as such. The most selective is the School of Art and Architecture. The mascot is "Big Red'

References

↑ Unfortunately, this is actually true. However, the suicide rates of Cornell undergrads is dead average. The gorges are simply a popular place to commit suicide for Cornell and non-Cornell people alike, which gets Cornell a lot of bad publicity. See question 9. http://ezra.cornell.edu/posting.php?timestamp=1045112400

[1] Unfortunately, this is actually true. However, the suicide rates of Cornell undergrads is dead average. The gorges are simply a popular place to commit suicide for Cornell and non-Cornell people alike, which gets Cornell a lot of bad publicity. See question 9. http://ezra.cornell.edu/posting.php?timestamp=1045112400

[1]

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
 [[Image:Cornell.jpg|thumb|Cornell students visit Ithaca's beautiful gorges to engage in their school's most popular pastime: drowning<ref>Unfortunately, this is actually true.  However, the suicide rates of Cornell undergrads is dead average.  The gorges are simply a popular place to commit suicide for Cornell and non-Cornell people alike, which gets Cornell a lot of bad publicity.  See question 9. http://ezra.cornell.edu/posting.php?timestamp=1045112400</ref>]]
-'''Cornell University''' (as it is called by students and alumni), or '''SUNY Ithaca''' (as it is called by everybody else) is [[New York State]]'s other [[Ivy League]] school. Located in some far-off upstate wilderness, it's known for being filled with Columbia rejects, having a [[SUNY]] agriculture school, and a hotel management academy. In addition, it was recently discovered that they have an "Interior Design" major. And it's not even in the Hotel School.
+'''Cornell University''' is the least selective of the seven [[Ivy League]], as it is also the largest. In it there are 7 undergraduate colleges - 4 private and 3 state related; they are priced as such. The most selective is the School of Art and Architecture. The mascot is "Big Red'
-Cornell students are often noted for their insistence on reminding everyone that they went to an Ivy League school. For example, when alumni from each of the eight Ivy League schools were asked where they attended college, they responded:
-:[[Harvard]] Grad: I attended Harvard University.
-:[[Yale]] Grad: I went to Yale.
-:[[Princeton]] Grad: I went to Princeton.
-:Columbia Grad: I went to Columbia.
-:[[Dartmouth]] Grad: I went to Dartmouth.
-:[[Brown]] Grad: I went to Brown.
-:[[Penn]] Grad: I went to Penn...the Ivy League, not the state school.
-:Cornell Grad: I have an Ivy League education.
-Needless to say, Cornell students and alumni are extremely self-conscious of their position at the bottom rung of the Ivy League ladder, and thus carry an enormous inferiority complex around with them.  For instance, observing Cornell fans at Columbia sporting events (disgusting gloating when they win, vociferous bitching when they lose) will reveal that they possess the greatest inferiority complex to Columbia out of all the Ivies.  The little-guy mentality also manifests itself in their [http://mb.bigredbands.org/ decidedly fascist marching band], which can only be understood as another failed attempt by Cornell to rise above her smaller, brighter cousins.
-Cornell students also tend to don "Ithaca Is Gorges" shirts. These reflect pride in the university's dramatic rate of picturesque [[suicide]]s, in which it once rivaled [[NYU]].  Recently, the suicide rate has come down a bit.  However, this only occurred after the Cornell administration established a totalitarian state in which all student movements are watched and dissenters are sent to labor camps in Alaska.<ref>http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB119881134406054777.html?mod=blog</ref> You can't drown yourself in ice.
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Difference between revisions of "Cornell University"

Revision as of 21:52, 12 July 2009

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