Copypasta

Copypasta from Bored@butler:

Hi, I'm a Barnard girl

• Hi I'm a Barnard girl. I only wear clothes bought at thread stores and my "vintage" glasses and I think gender is an out-dated concept. I also brag incessantly at how me and my friends hang out in the "dangerous" parts of Brooklyn and how the NYPD are SUCH ASSHOLES, despite the fact that the only interaction I ever had with a police was when I was 15 and got scolded at for drinking in a public park. I will also waste half of your lesson by giggling and loudly advertising my student group, Lesbians against Mass Incarceration, (I'm straight and white by the way), where I will amaze you at how many times I can say "like" in a single sentence. And to cap it all off, my tits and ass aren't even that good, but it's OK, because all men are chauvinistic pigs and I don't need them anyway.

• Hi I'm a Columbia guy. I only wear clothes bought at designer stores and my skinny jeans and I think conservatism is an out-dated concept. I also brag incessantly at how me and my friends get so little sleep and have so much homework and how the professors are SUCH ASSHOLES, despite the fact that the only interaction I ever have with them is when I go to class. I will also waste half of your lesson by asking inane questions and loudly advertising my student group, Secular Atheists against Discrimination, (I pretend to be sexually ambiguous but am actually straight and white by the way), where I will amaze you at how many times I can say "marxism" in a single sentence. And to cap it all off, my brains aren't even that good, but it's OK, because all classes are a waste of time and I don't need them anyway.

• Hi I'm a SEAS kid. I only wear clothes bought at the GAP and my cargo shorts and I think books are an out-dated concept. I also brag incessantly at how me and my friends are going to make so much money with our start up and how the finance suits are SUCH ASSHOLES, despite the fact that the only other job I would want to perform is a quant. I will also waste half of your lesson by breathing loudly and advertising my start up, Date-ly, (I'm a virgin by the way), where I will amaze you at how many times I can say "connectivity" in a single sentence. And to cap it all off, my ideas aren't even that good, but it's OK, because all people are slack-jawed smartphone users anyway.

• Hi I'm a sorority girl. I usually wear heels and little dresses and I think feminism is an out-dated concept. I also brag incessantly at how me and this sig ep guy i hooked up with are getting really serious, despite the fact that mainly i suck his penis. I will also waste half of your evening by giggling and loudly advertising my philanthropy group that helps Harlem, Beer Drinkers Against Substance Abuse (I'm drunk by the way), where I will amaze you at how many times I can coax frat bros into tossing singles into the donation jar. And to cap it all off, my looks aren't even that good, but it's OK, because I'm majoring in psych and am a serious career woman, anyway.

• Hi I'm a frat boy. I only wear off the rack clothes and Sperrys and I think privilege is an out-dated concept. I also brag incessantly at how me and my friends hang out with the "hottest" girls in DG and how the NYPD are SUCH ASSHOLES, despite the fact that the only interaction I ever had with a police was when I was a freshman and got scolded at for trying to sneak out of Pike's house during the investigation. I will also waste half of your lesson by snoring and loudly advertising my TOTALLY NOT RACIST Asian-themed rush party, Yellow Fever, (I'm white by the way), where I will amaze you at how many times I can say "chong" in a terrible accent. And to cap it all off, my biceps and abs aren't even that toned, but it's OK, because I don't need consensual sex anyway.

• Hi I'm a grad student. I haven't paid for any of my clothes, ever (thanks, dad!). and I think capitalism is an outdated concept. I also brag incessantly at how me and my friends understand the human condition and how the i-bankers are SUCH ASSHOLES, despite the fact that I can only afford this terminal masters program because my dad is a banker, and the only interaction I ever had with a banker was when I yelled at one that time at occupy. I will also waste half of your lesson by bragging about my professor advisor and loudly talking about my masters thesis research, (I know I'll never be eric foner by the way), where I will amaze you at how many times I can say "norms" in a single sentence. And to cap it all off, my writing skills aren't even that good, but it's OK, because I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, and it's all relative, anyway.

• Hi I'm a speccie. I don't wear clothes other than t shirts and jeans and I think reading on paper is an outdated concept. I also brag incessantly about how me and my friend met a real journalist once and how the bwoggers are SUCH ASSHOLES, despite the fact that I secretly wish (current spec EIC) allowed me to have an opinion. I will also waste half of your lesson by tapping at my phone and retweeting articles on twitter, (I have worked 2 unpaid social media internships by the way), where I will amaze you at how many times I can say "web-first strategy" in a single sentence. And to cap it all off, my news writing isn?t even that clean, but it's OK, because i can leverage the shit out of spec alumni networking events.

• Hi I'm a bwog writer. I only wear clothes bought at J crew and I think objectivity is an out-dated concept. I also brag incessantly at how my posts get so many comments and so many views and how the spec writers are SUCH ASSHOLES, despite the fact that the only interaction I ever had with a speccie was when we exchanged uneasy glances in a lecture hall. I will also waste half of your lesson by making stupid puns and loudly advertising my blog,, (I pretend to be a journalist but have never actually interviewed a source), where I will amaze you at how many times I can say ?tip? in a single sentence. And to cap it all off, my sense of irony isn't even that good, but it's OK, because i would never want to deliberately mean, anyway.

• Hi I'm a CCSC person. I don't wear clothes other than columbia apparel and my prepster uniform and I think challenging authority is an outdated concept. I also brag incessantly about how me and my friend meet deantini all the time and how the ABC people are SUCH ASSHOLES, despite the fact that I secretly am glad they do my paperwork. I will also waste half of your lesson by talking about a policy you don't care about, (there have been 5 spec opeds and a town hall regarding it by the way), where I will amaze you at how many times I can say "wellness" in a single sentence. And to cap it all off, you didn't even have another person to vote for, but it's OK, because nobody else should get to say they represent the student body, anyway.

• Hi I'm a GS student. I haven't been able to afford new clothes since high school and I think campus life is an outdated concept. I also brag incessantly at how me and my friend have never hung out on campus and how the younger students are SUCH ASSHOLES, despite the fact that I transferred in when I was only 21 and the only interaction I ever had with a freshman was when they were confused by my grey hair at NSOP. I will also waste half of your lesson by kissing ass and loudly talking about my past bravery in the military, (I was an army graphic designer based in Delaware by the way), where I will amaze you at how many times I can swell my chest in a single sentence. And to cap it all off, my SAT scores aren't even above 550, but it's OK, because grades are not important and dropping out of my last 4 colleges prepared me for a 4.0 here anyway.