Christopher Mark Morris-Lent
Christopher Mark Morris-Lent has been known to remodel train stations between classes, making them more efficient in heat retention. Occasionally he treads water for three days in a row, conditioning his body for absurd physical exertions.[1] He is an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.[2] Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, he once single-handedly defended a village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants.[3] He was courted by the Mets.[4] Children trust him.[5] He can navigate the Barnard tunnels with his eyes closed. He can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.[6] While vacationing in Canada, he successfully negotiated with a small group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery.[7] The laws of physics do not apply to him.[8]
