Johns Hopkins

Johns Hopkins University is a four-year medical school preparatory program located in Baltimore, Maryland. Rumor has it [1] that Hopkins instructs students in other areas of study such as engineering, sciences, and the humanities, however this cannot be independently confirmed.

Campus

Johns Hopkins is located in Baltimore, Maryland, a city just large enough to be filled with vast crime-ridden ghettos, but too small to be of any importance to anyone outside of the state of Maryland.

Alumni

Contrary to popular belief, not all Hopkins graduates end up being doctors. Others end up as biomedical engineers, biologists, and dentists. Also, Michael Bloomberg went there. He got the fuck out of Baltimore and moved to New York as soon as possible.

America's First Research University

To make themselves feel better about not having made it into the Ivy League, Johns Hopkins likes to tell people that it is America's "First Research University," which basically means that they were the first American school to immitate the German method of education. Hopkins, we salute your groundbreaking ingenuity.