Princeton University
Princeton University is the Anti-Columbia. Think of it as the Ivy League Anti-Christ. They stand for everything we hate:
- New Jersey (There's a reason we call Princeton the deodorant[1] in the armpit of America)
- Open space
- Elitist "eating clubs" (yes, imagine having to be accepted into a club just to eat!)
- Athletic success
- WASPy pedigrees
- Suburban indolence
- Country-club air
- A strong emphasis on undergraduate education
- Upper-level douchiness
History in Brief
Princeton had the temerity to reject the application of Alexander Hamilton. He later returned the favor by firing a cannon at Nassau Hall during the Battle of Princeton in the Revolutionary War when the British refused his order to surrender the building. Within minutes of Hamilton's devastating bombardment, they trooped out, hands in the air.
They also graduated Aaron Burr, who was so upset at the inferior quality of his education that he killed Hamilton in a jealous fit of rage. This was one of many reasons that the Philolexian Society declared war on Princeton in 1987[2]
Playwright Tony Kushner ridiculed Princeton during his 2004 Class Day address. Admittedly, that's not exactly very hard to do.
According to an even more reliable source, Princeton's response to other Ivy League schools' increases in financial aid was "Aid...isn't that what gay people get?"
References
- ↑ it isn't quite strong enough
- ↑ Declaration of War on the American Whig-Cliosophic Society of Princeton
