Princeton University
Princeton University is the Anti-Columbia. Think of it as the Ivy League Anti-Christ. They stand for everything we hate:
- New Jersey (There's a reason we call Princeton the deodorant[1] in the armpit of America)
- Open space
- Elitist "eating clubs" (yes, imagine having to be accepted into a club just to eat!)
- Athletic success
- WASPy pedigrees
- Suburban indolence
- Country-club air (F. Scott Fitzgerald, an alumnus, called it "the pleasantest country club in America," and he didn't mean it as a compliment.)
- A strong emphasis on undergraduate education
- Upper-level douchiness
- "Kids who know the difference between this season and last season's J.Press catalogs, and will bore you with the details."[2]
History in Brief
Princeton had the temerity to reject the application of Alexander Hamilton. He later returned the favor by firing a cannon at Nassau Hall during the Battle of Princeton in the Revolutionary War when the British refused his order to surrender the building. Within minutes of Hamilton's devastating bombardment, they trooped out, hands in the air.
They also graduated Aaron Burr, who was so upset at the inferior quality of his education that he killed Hamilton in a jealous fit of rage. This was one of many reasons that the Philolexian Society declared war on Princeton in 1987[3]
Playwright Tony Kushner ridiculed Princeton during his 2004 Class Day address. Admittedly, that's not exactly very hard to do.
According to an even more reliable source, Princeton's response to other Ivy League schools' increases in financial aid was "Aid...isn't that what gay people get?"
Princeton "University"
How Princeton got to be as prestigious as Harvard and Yale is mysterious, given its academic situation. The school gives an extremely high priority to undergraduate education, but has not the physical resources/intellectual capacity to harbor academics which extend beyond the undergraduate level. Hence, Princeton lacks a business school, medical school, and law school[4]; what little graduate "research" that goes on takes place almost entirely in the humanities. The pride of graduate academics at Princeton is the Woodrow Wilson School of International and Public Affairs, but it can hardly be considered as more than a pale imitation of Columbia's SIPA.
