Dartmouth College

Dartmouth College is a fellow member of the Ivy League. Like Princeton, it stands for many things Columbia cannot abide, such as a campus social life completely dominated by fraternity culture...and fresh air.

Unlike Princeton, however, Columbia students rarely take Dartmouth seriously. This is because it is located in a remote wilderness somewhere north of the tree line and is stockadaded to protect itself from ravenous moose and conservative alumni coups. Its motto - "The voice of one crying in the wilderness." - aptly summarizes what it's like to attend.