Johns Hopkins

Johns Hopkins University is a four-year medical school preparatory program located in Baltimore, Maryland. Rumor has it [1] that Hopkins instructs students in other areas of study such as engineering, sciences, and the humanities, however this cannot be independently confirmed.

Johns Hopkins does have a school of international affairs whose reputation improbably rivals SIPA's, but only because it escaped murderous Baltimore for Washington, DC.

Johns Hopkins students work hard, but appreciate knowing that it's all for a purpose.

Alumni

Contrary to popular belief, not all Hopkins graduates end up being doctors. Others end up as biomedical engineers, biologists, and dentists. Also, Michael Bloomberg went there. He got the fuck out of Baltimore and moved to New York as soon as possible.

America's First Research University

To make themselves feel better about not having made it into the Ivy League, Johns Hopkins likes to tell people that it is America's "First Research University," which basically means that they were the first American school to immitate the German method of education. Hopkins, we salute your groundbreaking ingenuity.